There's no such thing as what might've been... that's a waste of your time.

What might've been:
I'd have a job. I'd have a place to live (not my parents' house, which is a lovely place for a short stay). I'd have a fiance and a ring on that special finger.

What is:
I have no job, but I have an interview. I'm at my parents' house for now. I have an absentee boyfriend.

What if he comes to his senses while he's out there finding himself? What if he finds himself not so enchanted by me? Suddenly, he might think clearly and realize I haven't been what he wants these past few months. (I suppose he's not been exactly what I want either. I'm partial to the man who isn't absentee.) I fear he's not in love with me anymore. And if he's not in love with me and he's not willing to go the distance for me and make sacrifices for our relationship, what can I really do? (just buy some kleenex and ben & jerry's, right? - I hope that's not what it comes down to.)

I miss him already.

REALLY, Jules, you miss him already??
         Yeah, I guess I do even though I kept saying it would take a while for me to miss him. I said, I can't miss him until he's gone. Now he's gone and I miss everything about him. I'd rather be with him and fighting than without him not knowing the next time I'll hear from him.