You and me

You're a fool for breaking me.
You're a fool for calling me your baby doll.
You're an even bigger fool for treating me like a baby doll.
I'm a fool for letting you.
I'm a fool for wearing the jewelry you gave me.
You're a fool for making me yours in the first place.
I'm a fool for not moving on.
I'm a fool for trying.
You're a fool for letting me go.
You're a fool for loving me.
I'm a fool for believing it.
You and me. We fooled me.

Stink Bug

Stink Bug, where you going?
Stink Bug on the Wall, what are you doing?
Stink Bug on the Green Bathroom Wall, do you observe me as much as I observe you?
Stink Bug, why did you stop moving? Are you dying?
Stink Bug on the Wall, will you fulfill your purpose in your remaining hours, or days?
Stink Bug on the Green Bathroom Wall by the Ceiling, you kinda match my shower curtain.
Stink Bug, do you hear the second song in a row that reminds me of him?
Stink Bug on My Wall, why are you here?
Stink Bug on My Green Bathroom Wall, is it hot up there by the ceiling? Does the steam from my shower bother you?
Stink Bug, are you dead?
You're kind of ugly.
Big Daddy Stink Bug, do you remember that time five minutes ago when you were walking along my wall? I do.
I think you're dead. Please don't come in my bedroom tonight.
I see that you just moved again.
Stink Bug on My Green Bathroom Wall by the White Ceiling above the Window, I'm leaving the bathroom now because I've realized I'm crazy for talking to you.
Goodbye.

Keep Watching Me Fail.

Applying for jobs is a brutal task. Many of you know this. Searching for a job is a full time job in itself. Today, I applied for a job at the athletic club where I worked after highschool. It's part time and close to my parents' house.

Standing in the shower with warm water hitting my skull and loud music and steam filling the small room, I had a very important change of attitude. I remembered that I'm going to succeed, I remembered that I have a lot of potential and will make it very far in my life. Oh, and by the way, I won't be piddling around here forever in my parents' house. Right, that's so true, I will grow up sometime.

I was proud of this moment. I renewed my motivation and I believe myself to be more ready to hit the job hunt hard and with no relent. I am curious to see how my life will turn for the better in the future. Until then, watch me fail and fail and fail. And keep watching, because I'm going to keep trying and it's going to pay off.

Ride on a Tractor. CHECK. Set off Fireworks. CHECK.

These did not happen on the same night, but they did happen at the same location. I owe a great big thanks to the one person who made both of these possible. Never did he know about my list until after the fireworks were spent.

I rode on a tractor about a month ago with a coworker. He drove the tractor and I sat on the wheel well and held on tightly to the driver. Exaggeration. Romance was absent. I feared I would freeze my buns off because it was a very cold night and his lack of interest in me is not warming.

Last night at the orchard, employees gathered for a bonfire and we enjoyed adult beverages, the crisp air of an autumn evening, and each others' entertaining company. The aforementioned coworker brought with him some fireworks. I asked if I could set them off. He allowed for it. Immediately after I returned his lighter, I remembered that I had a list of things to do and, in fact, he had helped me cross off TWO items. I told him that he had now helped me cross of two things from my list. Not knowing anything about my list or what the first item had been, he began to question me. Very mysteriously, I refused to answer his questions. Instead I simply thanked him.

Spanish Lesson. (Lesson in Spanish)

I'm "practicing my Spanish" at work with the older of the two Mexicans that share my workspace at the orchard.

A week ago, he could see I was preoccupied by something on my mind. He told me I think too much.
Probably true.

Today, a slow day at the orchard due to the rain, he and I chatted. Very difficult. Spanglish. Broken sentences. Broken words. Talking about a broken heart. (My broken heart, to be specific.) "Mi amor..." "No more." That's how clear it is. I stopped to consume the simplicity of this phrase. "Mi amor. No more." Maybe it's beautiful because it's simple. Maybe it's beautiful because it's English, it's Spanish, and it rhymes.

We continued to talk and he tells me to forget it. "No es facil," I say. (it's not easy.) And he tells me I have to say "No me importa" (don't matter to me). Any ideas communicated between us must be repeated and repeated. So he says "he come. no me importa! he leave. no me importa! no me importa! I don't care! doesn't matter! no me importa!"

Get a Job. CHECK

I work at Milburn Orchards. The sweetest fall place I never had to imagine because I've been visiting this location ever since I was too young to spit the cherry pits any farther than my chin. Best known for their apples, apple cider, apple cider donuts, Milburn Orchards is the apple headquarters of my life. Caramel covered. Apple dumplings. Apple pie. Crisp mix. Apple butter. Etc. Yummy yummy yummy. Ya'll know how I feel about EVERYTHING apple.

Current favorite apple: Honey Crisp.

Aside from all glorious things apple, I enjoy the companionship of several coworkers, none of whom are in the same life phase as I am. Thank goodness.
 I've been designated by a few as a "floater" what they mean by that is the following: I am capable of doing a greater variety of tasks than most because I have been trained as such. I control inventory in the back room. I help customers with merchandise questions. I run the register. I sweep floors and mop them. Am I too cool for that? Absolutely not. Two shifts this week will be in one position. The other three will be in another position. Oh yeah, I get 33 hours this week. WIN!

Do I really enjoy my job so far? YES
Do they pay me what I'm worth? Who cares? They haven't actually paid me any money yet ;) but my worth isn't bought with cash anyway.

...Off to work!

Lyrics. Kenny Chesney. I Remember.

I'm sittin here alone,
Thoughts of you run wild
I'm longin for your touch,
Haunted by your smile
No use in tryin to erase,
No one could ever take your place

Chorus:
I remember how it used to feel
back when our love was strong and real
And I remember tears in your eyes
And I looked at you, you said goodbye
All I want right now is to foget
Every single thing that I regret
And drown out these embers..but I remember

It's yesterday again
Here inside my mind
And I can't find a way
to leave your love behind
I wanna wake up to the day
Your memory won't stand in my way

Chorus:
Well I remember how it used to feel
back when our love was strong and real
And I remember tears in your eyes
As I looked at you, you said goodbye
All I want right now is to forget
Every single thing that I regret
And drown out these embers..but I remember

Well I wanna wake up to the day
Your memory won't stand in my way

Well I remember how it used to feel
Back when our lovve was strong and real
And I remember tears in your eyes
As I looked at you, you said goodbye
All I want right now is to forget
Every single thing that I regret
And drown out these embers..but I remember
And I remember..
Oh I remember ya baby...
All of you my baby